I love schedules, lists, and checkboxes more than chocolate. Because of this, I wish I could hand you a Foolproof Time Management Plan For Couples In Ministry, but this isn’t it because
a) we don’t have one (sorry to disappoint!) and
b) Even if we did have a perfect plan over here in our marriage, it probably wouldn’t work for yours.

You and your spouse are unique individuals possessing varying needs for sleep, productive hours and connection with each other. The balance we’re all looking for is a fluid thing, achieved only when we are willing to be flexible, listen well, and get creative. I’m hoping that some part of our story can spark good conversations between you and your spouse as you find your best time balance.

My husband, Jordan, proposed to me over a picnic of burritos and cookies on a rainy afternoon in 2010, and one week later he became a Reliant missionary. We married, I graduated, and we launched into our working lives as a couple. Until our son was born last fall, we were both working forty or more hours each week (usually at very different times of day), and we often grappled with the inconsistencies of Jordan’s ministry schedule and the added demands during seasons of raising financial support. These days I juggle my new gig as Mommy with part-time work at my old office, and the whole parenthood thing is still rocking our boat as we work toward a new normal.

Aside from raising support, most of the things we’ve experienced are not unique to working in vocational ministry. Many couples, for example, may leave the house at very different times for work, have to overhaul everything when a new child blesses their home, or struggle to find time for rest. But whether you work in campus ministry or on campus like I do, there are several statements that we have found to be true.

NUMBER 1: God gives us enough grace — and time — for what He has asked us to do.

This means, conversely, that if He has not asked us to do something, the time required for that thing — no matter how noble — may not be provided. We all have the same 24 hours, and the Lord is a good Shepherd. When I am pulling my hair out and feeling like there are not enough hours in the day to do ALL THE THINGS, the problem is not a lack of time, but the way I’m choosing to fill it. Often I have given myself tasks out of a sense of obligation, a desire to make things “perfect” (um…housework anyone?), or because I have always done __________ and I never asked my Shepherd if it was something He wanted me to keep doing.

NUMBER 2: You’re a couple. The balance you find must work for both of your personalities.

If one spouse feels especially loved by spending quality time together, that couple would do well to allot time alone together on a regular basis. In our marriage, Jordan is an off-the-charts extrovert who will come home from a long day of people-ing at work and STILL want to invite friends over. I, on the other hand, am what I like to call an “outgoing introvert.” I need time to recharge alone, so our best balance happens when Jordan offers to watch our son while I take a book to a coffeeshop or jog around the block.

NUMBER 3: You have to make time for the things that nourish your body, soul, and marriage.

These are the “big rocks” — the essentials. No matter what season we’ve been in as a couple, we have never felt healthy without making time for the core things that nurture us physically, spiritually, and relationally. For us, that means allowing time to shop for and cook healthy food and then sitting together to eat it more often than not. It means I say yes when my extrovert hubby wants to get coffee with a friend on a Saturday. It means he has baby duty in the morning so that our son’s nap is when I sit with Jesus instead of having to shower. It means we set alarms on our phones that tell us to Go. To. Bed.

NUMBER 4: Your balance will evolve over time.

The moment you think you’ve found the perfect routine, life shifts gear, and you have to adjust until you find your new balance. This can happen in small ways from month to month or in huge, life-altering ways (hellooooo pregnancy)! Thankfully we have found that as our communication skills have grown as a couple, and as the Lord has refined our (ahem, my) character in the area of flexibility, this has gotten easier.

Ask the Lord: Is there anything in my schedule that You want to remove? Is there anything You want to add?

Ask your spouse: Do you feel that you’re lacking time for things that nourish your body, soul, or our relationship? How can I adjust my schedule to give you the time for that?