Until this past summer, I have never really thought about how often I auto-shift into being a “follower.” I actually find it rather comfortable at times. As long as I buy into the vision of where the leader is taking us, I’m jumping aboard and ready for smooth sailing.

He asks us to step forward sometimes and go beyond our predefined spaces of safety.

In 2014, I joined a team from Fellowship Church in College Station, Texas, for a short-term mission trip to Nigeria. I loved being a team member. My roles included ministering to a group of African orphans, getting deeply attached to said orphans, wearing crazy Nigerian clothes, experiencing lots of stomach issues from strange food, and then weeping over all the experiences I left behind as I boarded the plane home. There really wasn’t much more required of me as a team member. I had all of the time and space I needed to really experience everything fully and listen to what the Lord was saying through the process. Since Nigeria, I have now been a member of three different short-term teams in Africa. Through all of these experiences, I have loved settling into my niche as an expert follower.

So what happens when the “expert follower” is asked to lead an overseas mission trip? After thinking about all the hundreds of reasons I would consider myself ill-equipped to do so, I choked out an “I’ll pray about it” as I began to start making a list of all the things that could go wrong.

Long story short and several months later, I just got back from spending six weeks in the Balkans region as a co-leader to two different teams. What did I learn? I learned that being a team leader is very different than just being a part of a team. All of a sudden, I am responsible for eight human beings besides myself who are experiencing culture shock, conflict with each other, and insecurities they didn’t even know they had. Throw in the mix my responsibilities of being on staff back in Texas, and you have one stressed-out leader. If I had a penny for every time I said, “Why can’t there be 30 hours in a day?” in the past six weeks…I’d be rich.

Looking back on this summer though, I am extremely grateful for this opportunity to be stretched in my leadership skills and grow in shepherding a team. I have learned that I will probably never be fully confident in my leadership abilities, but the Lord doesn’t necessarily ask me to be. Being put in a leadership position was a beautiful and uncomfortable unveiling of what He is cultivating in me. Strangely, we become very different creatures when we are put in a foreign culture — some characteristics that surface are better than others. However, He is the one who knows me better than I know myself. He asks us to step forward sometimes and go beyond our predefined spaces of safety. Sure it’s uncomfortable, but His direction doesn’t make sense if you don’t have the intention of going anywhere.